A Breton of House Ravenwatch, Part 5 – New Allies, Old Memories (Fanfiction) by Rhonda Parker

Isabelle Kingston watched her brother and closest friend in the Ravenwatch scurry about his room. She had a feeling she knew what he was looking for.

"It was right here… ah!" He said as he picked up a small container, streaks of blood residue coating the inside of it.

"How many times have you misplaced that flask, Fennorian?" Isabelle said with a grin.

"More times than I care to count." He set the empty bottle on his dresser. As he did so, his face turned solemn for a moment as his pale fingers lingered on the glass.

"Fennorian. Are you alright?"

The young Altmer sighed deeply and then nodded. "I'm fine. Just… old memories that haven't faded yet."

Isabelle sighed. If she could kill Tzinghalis a second or third time she'd do so. Happily and with relish.

The experiments the vampire alchemist conducted on Fennorian were horrific. Tzinghalis almost killed him, but she and Lyris arrived just in time. Good thing, too – a few moments more and the Ravenwatch would have lost another member. Isabelle couldn't bear losing both father and son on her watch.

"Any news from Svana?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

"Yes, actually. The elixir is working as it should, and Old Mjolen is still overseeing the alchemists' training. Svana also reports that negotiations between Eastern and Western Skyrim have begun and are going well."

That was good to hear. Skyrim had been torn asunder from the conflict between High King Svargrim in the west and High King Jorunn in the east. Suspicions about easterners still lingered with the people in the west, but Svana's willingness to trust them seemed to ease their stubbornness a bit.

Svana had welcomed Jorunn and his entourage into the city and accepted their help to rebuild Solitude and source materials for the harrowstorm elixir. While she was merely the acting jarl until a formal moot could be held, the young princess had certainly showed her ability to lead. She took after both father and mother, possessing  both the fierceness of King Svargrim and the diplomacy of Queen Gerdhild. Western Skyrim was in good hands.

"Now to find my notes…" Fennorian said as he busied himself with a new search. "If I don't finish that mission report soon Adusa will be quite displeased…."

He needs another distraction, Isabelle thought. She understood.

Fennorian hadn't told Isabelle very much about his ordeal. What little he had shared with her defied imagination.

She remembered the first few weeks after they returned from Solitude. Fenn kept to himself more so than usual, rarely leaving his room – even to visit the library. Adusa became concerned when he stopped appearing for the nightly meal, but he assured her that he was maintaining control over his hunger, and hadn't broken his pledge to only feed on the willing.

Isabelle gave Fennorian his space. She'd heard his screams as she and Lyris raced through the Dwemer ruin to reach him, saw him writhing in the monstrous contraption Tzinghalis used to torture him, heard his strained whisper to go warn Solitude. He expected them to leave him behind. But Lyris and Isabelle weren't about to leave their friend in that dark place, no matter what.

One night, as she headed towards her room, Isabelle heard Fennorian whimpering in his sleep. She didn't want to intrude, but when the whimpers got louder and started to turn into quiet screams, she knew she had to.

Isabelle rushed in and immediately started to rouse her brother. "Fennorian, wake up…. come on, wake up!"

Fenn shot straight up, his eyes black before settling back into a deep red. His nightshirt was soaked in pinkish sweat, and his face looked more pale than usual. He took in a few deep breaths, and seemed to realize where we was.

Fennorian looked over at Isabelle, and his sense of propriety set in. "What are you doing in my room, Isabelle?"

She smiled, grateful to see him being his usual self. "You were having a nightmare, Fenn. I knew you wouldn't want to wake the house, so I came in. I'm sorry for intruding."

Fennorian sighed, looking down at his nightshirt as he did so. "Well, it must have been a bad one." He looked at his sister. "Thank you, Isabelle."

"You're welcome. I didn't think you'd want the entire Ravenwatch in here." A ghost of an amused smile passed over his face.

Isabelle started towards the door, stealing a glance at the flask on the nightstand. It was full, thank Mara. "Goodnight, Fenn." She closed the door and headed towards her room.

Yes, if she could resurrect Tzinghalis and kill him again she would. The tortures of Coldharbour weren't good enough for what he'd done to so many people. What he'd done to her brother just made it more personal.

A few days later, Isabelle and Fennorian were on patrol in Crestshade. While the bloodfiends had been decreasing since the Lightless Remnant was destroyed, the townspeople would never be able to return. The Ravenwatch kept an eye on the town, especially with its proximity to the castle.

Having finished their second sweep, they began to ascend the long set of stairs to the castle. Isabelle looked at Fenn. A pensive look covered his face, more intense than his usual expression.

Don't push, Isabelle, she scolded herself. If he wants to talk, he will.

"Do you have a moment?" Fenn asked, his eyes hopeful.

"Of course."

"I… I need to tell someone. I can't continue pushing this down, but I also don't want to alarm you."

Isabelle sat down on the stairs and Fenn followed suit. "There's nothing you can tell me that will frighten or surprise me, Fennorian. What is it?"

He swallowed, hard. After a long pause, he said, "I almost gave in. I… lost control."

Isabelle paused. They were trained on how to deal with the hunger, but after his ordeal it wasn't surprising. "Tell me what happened."

Fennorian looked down at his hands. He stared at them for a moment. "I've been having a hard time adjusting to being home. I didn't have a proper focus – no elixir to develop or produce, no mysteries to sort through. I was at a loss, so to speak. It's why I started isolating myself."

Isabelle didn't move, didn't change her facial expression or demeanor. Her crimson eyes looked kindly at him, and she waited for him to go on.

"I never broke our pledge, Isabelle. I swear it." He paused, then with a deep sigh he continued. "But one night I came close. I thought I could make it home before the hunger overwhelmed me. But earlier that night I'd been thinking about what Tzinghalis did, how he'd mocked me for denying my instincts, calling me 'deceived' for doing so. And in that moment of distraction, I started to drop my guard. Then I smelled blood on the wind, and started to hunt."

Isabelle gasped, but she still maintained her composure.  Fennorian's face crinkled in disgust and shame at his memories.

"The lapse only lasted a few minutes, a quarter of an hour at most. I was horrified when I snapped out of it. But it was a clear indication that I needed to stay close to home for a while." He paused. "Luckily I had my flask, and I was also able to snatch up a couple of rabbits to quell the hunger for a time. I came straight home and the next night I started joining you all for dinner again."

"I remember that night," Isabelle said. "You looked a little shaken, but we were so glad to have you back with us that we didn't say anything."

"To be honest, I'm glad you didn't. It was hard enough dealing with how I felt about the incident. I'm not sure I could have handled any questions."

"What stopped you?" Isabelle asked softly.

Fennorian smiled a bit. "Count Verandis. You know how rigorous our training was." Isabelle nodded. "But I also didn't want to become a vampire like Tzinghalis. A brilliant mind but also a vicious and cold-hearted monster."

He looked over at her. "I am Count Verandis's son. I could never be a part of something like the Gray Host. Mortals are not cattle for vampires, they're not the lesser creatures Rada claims they are. I still believe in the Ravenwatch's mission, no matter how others may see us. You, me, Adusa, Gwendis, the others – we are all part of Father's legacy. And I won't give that up for anything."

"Neither will I, Fennorian."

They hugged each other then, tears flowing from both sets of vampiric eyes. They smiled, then chuckled together a bit. Fennorian sighed. "I wanted to tell someone, I almost went straight to Adusa, but I was so… ashamed, I suppose. For almost lapsing, for putting myself in a vulnerable situation when I should have known better. And while I was able to put my ordeal behind me for the sake of finishing our mission, once it was done… I had no choice but to confront the lingering memories."

Isabelle nodded. "Not to add insult to injury, but I wish you had said something to one of us. You put yourself through a lot of unnecessary pain."

"I know. And I know that there would have been no judgement from any of you. We all understand how difficult it can be to control the hunger, the instinct. But I wanted to work this out on my own. I thought that would be best."

Isabelle shook her head as she smiled. "Suffer in silence, eh? Something you might take after Verandis?"

At that Fennorian almost laughed. "I suppose so. He had an amazing well of strength he drew from. I honestly don't know how he did it."

Isabelle didn't either. She certainly couldn't have.

"Thank you, Isabelle. You are a good friend and a true sibling to me."

"Likewise, Fenn. " Now it was Isabelle's turn to reflect on the past. "I never thought that life as a vampire would lead me to a new family, to new friends, and an ongoing mission to save Tamriel. I never thought I'd be anything but a monster." She paused, unable to look her brother in the eye.

"Vampires were evil creatures with no redeeming factors, just abominations who fed on the living. But now I know that's never been true. Vampire, werewolf or mortal, we are the product of our decisions. We control how we live with our circumstances. I'm glad Emeric sent me to Verandis all those months ago. I don't know if I'd still be in my right mind or if I'd even…"

She trailed off, and Fennorian placed a hand on her shoulder. Isabelle looked up with fresh tears in her eyes. "Perhaps you also take after Verandis, in that aspect at least. You understand that we're all the same underneath, cursed, blessed, or otherwise. And we have to learn to live and work together."

Isabelle nodded in agreement. Yes, she was a healer and a devotee of Mara, but Verandis's influence had given her an even deeper respect for the lives around her. Including the supernatural ones.

"Come on," Fennorian said as he stood to his feet. "Crestshade is secured for another day, and it will be dinner time soon. Let's beat Gwendis to the table for once."

Isabelle laughed and stood up, then raced Fenn up the stairs and back home.